Monthly Archives: February 2024

Hopeless Romantic

Does “hopeless romantic” mean that you cannot help but be romantic? That’s my impression. Could it be instead that you have no shot at ever being very good at it? Asking for a friend.

My life posture is to invest in the community I find myself in, which is far less complicated if you do not move around the country every couple of years. It is difficult leaving people and places that you love, but fully investing in a new community means, for me at least, that I cannot devote too much attention to the rearview mirror. Being wistful for days gone by can be debilitating, but every once in a while, a thought will sneak in from the past that makes me wistful anyway.

Somewhere in our North American tour after leaving Los Angeles in 2019, I’m sure it was around Valentine’s Day, I got all wistful when remembering a tradition that I developed while here in the City of Angels when I would get up even earlier than normal on Valentine’s Day, beat the crazy traffic to Downtown L.A., and snag a parking spot near the Los Angeles Flower District. The Flower District advertises “a spectacular and unequaled array of the freshest flowers, greens and fillers available, many of them California grown, along with an impressive, overwhelming selection of floral supplies.” All I know is that they have a heck of a lot of flowers and that I felt the strong need to go there each year and buy my wife roses for Valentine’s Day.

I understand that you can order flowers in many ways that are far more convenient than driving to Downtown Los Angeles, but I found that I really missed the inconvenient approach. Getting up extra early was never a problem on those occasions. There was something about the experience itself that made it wonderfully worthwhile. Not the shopping or purchasing process so much (actually, I was always utterly confused while there), but the whole idea just felt special.

This year, on our first Valentine’s Day since moving back to L.A., I knew what I had to do.

I arrived at the Flower District at 5:52am on Valentine’s Eve, utilized what appeared to be a legal parking space, and stepped into the craziness. As expected, I was soon overwhelmed. It was dark and yet colorful, and I felt like I joined a swarm of ants attacking an unattended slice of red velvet cake but that I was the only ant unaware of where I was going. I noticed lots of duos carrying long, Christmas-tree-sized cardboard boxes, and they definitely knew where they were going. I’m not sure who all was represented in the swarm, but I assume wholesalers and vendors, small business owners and growers, and maybe even silly husbands like me, although I can’t be sure. I simply wandered in and out of shops, deflecting all the can-i-help-yous until I saw what I wanted, which was news to me, too.

Was I supposed to barter? Well, I didn’t. The price quoted was less than what I would have paid ordering those flowers from the comfort of anywhere other than in-person in Downtown Los Angeles, so I just handed over the cash. Thankfully, I am freakishly tall; otherwise, getting out of the chaos carrying a large vase of roses might have been even more eventful, but by 6:16am, I was back in my car and on the road, driving home one-handed to protect my floral purchase through the burgeoning automotive ant swarm.

I made it home an hour later and proudly presented the roses to my wife, who smiled and laughed the sort of laugh that says, “I am married to a certifiable idiot, but I think he must really love me.”

Which was the reaction I hoped for.

To be candid, I don’t think I am a hopeless romantic under either definition. I like to think of myself more as a hopeful romantic—hopeful that I will be better at it along the way.

Given such a goal, I am glad to be reunited with the Flower District.

Good Moments

Malibu Pier on Thursday Morning (2.8.24)

I woke up two minutes early, turned off the alarm, and crawled out of bed at 5:28am, glad to go for a run, while never excited to crawl out of a warm bed in the darkness. I exercise daily, but once a week I drive to Malibu Colony Plaza in search of a flat place to run that also has easy parking. I like it there, although I do not care for the early morning darkness in the winter months. On Thursday I was glad to notice a slight hint that the light of spring is coming.

I stretched a bit and took off as normal, trying to wake my legs up, too. My pace is always measured at first, careful not to start too quickly, but on that morning, I soon added a short sprint as I dodged leftover rain puddles alongside the dangers of PCH traffic.

Near the Malibu Pier, I noticed what appeared to be an unhoused individual on the sidewalk ahead, lurking, if you will, in the shadows. I often visit with unhoused people, so this was nothing extraordinary, but knowing that many battle mental illness makes me a little wary in early morning encounters. I noticed that this young man was gathering his things and shuffle-jogging ahead, presumably to get out of my way, so I gave him a wide berth and passed by with several feet between us. We exchanged good mornings, and I added a how’s-it-going, which, although a standard greeting for me, may not be the most thoughtful question for an unhoused man carrying a large pack on his back before six o’clock in the morning. But his response, half-shouted with what I can only describe as great joy, and spoken like he was glad that someone asked, was, “I’m doing f***ing great!”

Well, alrighty then. I was glad to hear it. My mind began to cycle through options for why he was doing expletively great at such an hour, but ultimately, I just chuckled and took it at face value, thankful that he was having a fantastic morning.

After reaching the halfway mark I fist-bumped a power pole and turned back, now in a much better mood, and at some point, encountered my new friend again where I said, “Have a good one, friend.” He replied, “You, too, brother,” with “brother” said in a way that led me to believe that if I immediately fell and busted my head open, I was 100% convinced that this man would take care of me like a brother. I can’t explain how I knew that from a word spoken in passing by a stranger, but I knew it to be true. What a warm and peaceful thought in the forty-degree weather.

At the Malibu Pier again, thanks to ever-lighter skies, I stopped long enough to take a picture, then took off for my final mile of the morning. I may get my runner’s card revoked for this confession, but I don’t think I have ever felt a runner’s high; however, when I started running again, I felt like a deer bounding through the woods, bouncy and strong, and that last mile was phenomenal. I don’t know that I have ever felt better on a run

My short drive home felt very different from my short drive there, and when I pulled into the neighborhood it seemed that no one else had even stirred from their slumber. Before the sun had truly risen, it felt like I had already had an incredible morning.

I felt the need to write about that first hour of Thursday morning but wondered about the moral to the story. Why should anyone care about that first hour of my day?

Maybe the moral is that who needs a moral to a story when you stumble on anything good? In a life that can be too cruel too often, notice all the good moments. They seem to get us through the rest.